Past

I was a fool to think my past would not catch up with me. It did, and it really tore me up cause I've disappointed her so deeply. I have absolutely nothing to offer her to sooth her pain. I did not start it, but I wanted it. It really didn't matter anyway cause its done, and there's only one idiot to blame. How I wish I could go back and tell that idiot the consequences of what he was about to do. How I wish I could tell that jerk not to be so desperate. How I wish I'd listened. Now I'm about to loose everything, for nothing. May the final judgement be passed, for I am GUILTY.

Labour Day

"Do I stand a chance?" I asked.
"I wouldn't say no lah... " she answered.

DILEMMA

Would it be selfish to tell a girl you've fallen in love with her, even though there's no chance of being together? Why? cause she'll be leaving this place for good after she completes her task. Most saddening thing is, she don't feel the same about me.

I know there's the argument that I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't tell her, but wouldn't that just make things ackward between us? Considering the little time I have left to see her. Its such a struggle I have to deal with every single day to not let her know how I feel. Perhaps for her sake, I should keep it to myself. Or for my sake, I could just blurt it out and pray my heart survives the crash.

"Is *** the sole reason you have to go back ***?" I asked.

"Haha.. not really.. there're many other reasons...... hmmm...i'm gonna miss everything here.........=(" she replied. 

Sick

I'm sick... very sick.... my only solace is when I'm adrift into slumber. I can't work, I can't concentrate, I can't watch a movie, I can't travel, I can't eat, I can't have a conversation, I can't workout, I can't play my guitar, I can't sleep, I can't wake, I can't shower, I can't read, I can't drive, I can't THINK without thinking of her. Some call it love sick, or maybe I just need help.

Help.....

=)

This is how I feel right now

Love

Lost

He prayed he would see her there

But he knows how selfish his prayer was

When he arrives, he couldn't believe she is there
He lost his breath and his heart pounded

He didn’t know what to do

So he walked past her

But she didn’t see him

She didn’t notice him

The long drive home

I find my head resting on the wheel

Appreciating the quietness from within

Measuring the heaviness of my heart

In the dark, isolated from the world

Which is but a handle away

You're not suppose to know

My heart aches for you but you do not know

My heart leaps every time my gaze is upon you

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

The days are quickly fading

I only have weeks left

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

Why is life so unfair

Why weren’t you born sooner

Why did you steal my heart so recklessly

Why do you have to leave

You were the dream I was looking for

Your perfect laugh, your perfect smile

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

The more I know you

The more my heart beats for you

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

Why is life so unfair

Why weren’t you born sooner

Why did you steal my heart so recklessly

Why do you have to leave

Girl don’t do this to me

Please don’t leave me

Heart, stop tormenting me

Stop abusing me

I can only take so much

Before I die

Why is life so unfair

Why weren’t you born sooner

Why did you steal my heart so recklessly

Why do you have to leave

being an Idiot

You would've known what happened to my left ankle from my previous post titled 'October'. Over the months, I've sprained my left ankle again and again, though the recovery has been fairly quick. Its not perfect, but good enough to run with. With all the care and attention showered over my left ankle, I must apologize for neglecting my right.

After a satisfying climb at Sabah Indoor Climbing Centre (SICC) today, I decided to be an idiot and run in the dark at the neighboring lake. Your eyes could adjust to the 10:05pm darkness well enough to see where you're going, but not what you're stepping on, I found out. Crack! and down I went with a glorious F***!!! out of my tongue. Its interesting what my grey matter decides to offer in situations like this.

And so it was. An idiot on the ground with his loose tongue in the dark.

Emotions

I hate this I hate this I hate this!!!