Past

I was a fool to think my past would not catch up with me. It did, and it really tore me up cause I've disappointed her so deeply. I have absolutely nothing to offer her to sooth her pain. I did not start it, but I wanted it. It really didn't matter anyway cause its done, and there's only one idiot to blame. How I wish I could go back and tell that idiot the consequences of what he was about to do. How I wish I could tell that jerk not to be so desperate. How I wish I'd listened. Now I'm about to loose everything, for nothing. May the final judgement be passed, for I am GUILTY.

Labour Day

"Do I stand a chance?" I asked.
"I wouldn't say no lah... " she answered.

=D

If this is a dream, I don't wanna wake up cause this is how I'm feeling now.

I just had the sweetest kiss.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEeEEEEEeeeEEEE~~~!!!!!!!

love you, *hugs* =)

I finally got this message from her that I've been dying to see.

" love you, *hugs* =) "

When I woke up, I quickly look at my phone again only to discover I've been dreaming.

Superman

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird.... I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And its not easy to be me

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd... but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be distrubed... but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And its not easy to be me

Up, up and away... away from me
Well its all right... you can sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy... or anything...

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for a kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me
Yeah, inside of me
Inside of me

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
I'm only a man
Looking for a dream

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
And its not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

DILEMMA

Would it be selfish to tell a girl you've fallen in love with her, even though there's no chance of being together? Why? cause she'll be leaving this place for good after she completes her task. Most saddening thing is, she don't feel the same about me.

I know there's the argument that I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't tell her, but wouldn't that just make things ackward between us? Considering the little time I have left to see her. Its such a struggle I have to deal with every single day to not let her know how I feel. Perhaps for her sake, I should keep it to myself. Or for my sake, I could just blurt it out and pray my heart survives the crash.

"Is *** the sole reason you have to go back ***?" I asked.

"Haha.. not really.. there're many other reasons...... hmmm...i'm gonna miss everything here.........=(" she replied. 

Thank You

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life...

Amistad

Your honours, I derive much consolation from the fact that my colleague Mr. Baldwin here has argued the case in so able, and so complete a manner as to leave me scarcely anything to say.

However, Why are we here? How is it that a simple, plain property issue should now find itself so ennobled as to be argued before the Supreme Court of the United States of America?

Do we fear the lower courts, which found for us easily, somehow missed the truth, is that it? Or is it rather our great and consuming fear of civil war, that has allowed us to heap symbolism upon a simple case that never asked for it? And now would have us disregard truth, even as it stands before us tall and proud as a mountain.

The truth... in truth, has been driven from this case like a slave. Flogged from court to court, wretched and destitute. And not by any great legal acumen on the part of the opposition, I might add. But through the long, powerful arm of the executive office. This is no mere property case, gentlemen, this is the most important case ever to come before this court, because what it in fact concerns.... is the very nature of man.

Uh, these are, um.... these are transcriptions of letters, written between our secretary of state, John Forsyth, and the Queen of Spain, Isabella the Second. Now, I ask that you accept their perusal as part of your deliberations. I would not touch on them now except to notice a curious phrase which is much repeated. The queen again and again refers to our incompetent courts. Now what, I wonder, would be more to her liking? Huh? A court that finds against the Africans? Well I think not. And here is the fine point of it.

What Her Majesty wants is a court that behaves just like her courts. The courts this 11 year old child plays with in her magical kingdom called Spain. A court that will do what it is told. A court that can be toyed with like a doll. A court, as it happens of which our own president, Martin Van Buren, would be most proud.

This is a publication of the office of the President. Its called “The Executive Review” and I'm sure you all read it. At least I'm sure the President hopes you read it. This is a recent issue, and there's, uh, an article in here written by “a keen mind of the South”, who my former vice – president, John Calhoun, perhaps. Could it be?

Who asserts that “there has never existed a civilized society in which one segment did not thrive upon the labour of another. As far back as one chooses to look to ancient times, to Biblical times, history bears this out. In Eden, where only two were created. Even there, one was pronounced one was subordinate to another. Slavery has always been with us, and is neither sinful nor immoral. Rather as war and antagonism are the natural states of man, so too slavery as natural as it is inevitable.”

Well, gentlemen, I differ with the keen minds of the South, and with our president, who apparently shares their views offering that the natural state of mankind is instead – and I know that this is a controversial idea – is freedom. Is freedom.

And the proof is the length to which a man, woman or child will go to regain it, once taken. He will break loose his chains, He will...decimate his enemies. He will try and try and try, against all odds, against all prejudices, to get home.

Cinque would you stand up, if you would so everyone can see you.

This man is black, we can all see that. But can we also see as easily that which is equally true? That he is the only true hero in this room. Now if he were white, he wouldn't be standing here before this court fighting for his life. If he were white and his enslavers were British, he wouldn't be able to stand, so heavy the weight of the medals and honours we would bestow upon him. Songs would be written about him. The great authors of our times would fill books about him. His story would be told, and retold, in our classrooms. Our children, because we would make sure of it, would know his name as well as they know Patrick Henry's.

Yet, if the South is right, what are we to do with that embarrassing, annoying document. “The Declaration of Independence”? What of its conceits? “All men created equal,” “inalienable rights.” “ life, liberty,” and so on and so forth. What on earth are we to do with this? I have a modest suggestion.

(rips “The Executive Review” apart).

The other night I was talking with my friend Cinque, he was over at my place and we were at the green house together. He was explaining to me how when a member of the Mende that's his people. How when a member of the Mende encounters a situation where there appears no hope at all, he invokes his ancestors.

Tradition. The Mende believe that if one can summon the spirit of their ancestors, then they have never left. And the wisdom and strength they fathered and inspired will come to his aid.

James Madison. Alexander Hamilton. Benjamin Franklin. Thomas Jefferson. George Washington. John Adams.

We have long resisted asking you for guidance. Perhaps we have feared in doing so, we might acknowledge that our individuality, which we so, so revere, is not entirely our own. Perhaps we feared an... an appeal to you might be taken for weakness. But we have come to understand, finally, that this is not so. We understand now. We've been made to understand and to embrace the understanding that who we are, is who we were.

We desperately need your strength and wisdom, to triumph over our fears, our prejudices, ourselves. Give us the courage to do what is right. And if it means civil war, then let it come. And when it does, may it be, finally, the last battle of the American Revolution.

That's all I have to say.

- John Quincy Adams.

Sick

I'm sick... very sick.... my only solace is when I'm adrift into slumber. I can't work, I can't concentrate, I can't watch a movie, I can't travel, I can't eat, I can't have a conversation, I can't workout, I can't play my guitar, I can't sleep, I can't wake, I can't shower, I can't read, I can't drive, I can't THINK without thinking of her. Some call it love sick, or maybe I just need help.

Help.....

=)

This is how I feel right now

The Customs Line

“Say something funny!” That's what people say when they find out I' a comedian. But how would they feel if I found out they were a plumber and said, “Fix my sink!”? So when someone asks me to say something funny, I reply, “You're good-looking!” And they laugh. Usually.

Once at JFK airport, the customs guy looked at my paperwork and saw that I was a comedian. “Say something funny,” he commanded.

“You're good-looking,” I shot back.

There was a pause, followed by a smile. Then he pulled me aside and went through all my luggage.

Eddie Brill, comedian and comic booker for Late Show with David Letterman

Love

The Coffee File

1. DEAD

In very large doses, caffeine is a potent poison. Just 10 grams (about 70 – 100 cups of coffee) can be fatal to humans. Here are some examples

In 2001, 3 people in Sweden died after taking Red Bull, a high-caffeine energy drink popular with partygoers and the overworked. Two of them had mixed the drink with vodka while a third consumed several cans after working out in a gym. Malaysia subsequently banned Austrian-manufactured (“blue-can”) Red Bull and the import of Thai-manufactured (“blue-brand”) Red Bull.

About 20 people have died in Australia from caffeine toxicity. One of them was a 25 year old woman with a heart condition who had a heart attack after drinking a herbal tonic (guarana), unaware that it contained high levels of caffeine.

The great French novelist Balzec’s (1799-1850) addiction to caffeine is said to have driven him to drink excessive coffee (as some schizophrenic patients are observed to do today) and may have killed him.

2. INSANE

A woman prescribed 45 mg of pure caffeine tablets to overcome long-term fatigue became nervous, restless and could not sleep at night. She increased the dose to pep herself up for a party. Shortly afterward she became “silly, elated and euphoric”.

She continued to increase the dose to 1,800mg. She became “confused, disoriented, excited, restless, violent and exceedingly profane”. Finally she collapsed and was hospitalised.

Five weeks later, she again took the same excessive dose and was hospitalised when she became “wild”, with “manic screaming, kicking and biting”. She had to be transferred to a psychiatric hospital where she had to be kept tied to a bed.

It took almost 2 months before she recovered mildly. When coffee (and tea) were kept away from her, she soon became entirely normal and was dismissed from hospital.

- Actual case reported in the New England Journal of Medicine in 1936

3. INTOXICATED

Just 1 gram of caffeine (about 7-10cups of coffee) can produce acute toxic effects, from insomnia and restlessness to delirium.

A 17 year old Australian student with no police record robbed a supermarket at gunpoint in May 2001 – a day after drinking up to 11 cans of caffeine-laced energy drinks.

                He was convicted of armed robbery and sentenced to a 4-year suspended jail term. Psychiatric and medical evidence tendered to the court suggested that he could have been suffering from “caffeinism” or caffeine intoxication, a psychosis triggered by too much caffeine.

                Professor of nervous and mental diseases at the New York School of Clinical Medicine T.D. Crothers cited a case of coffee psychosis in his 1902 book, Morphinism and Narcomanias from Other Drugs.

                The case concerned “a prominent general in a noted battled in the Civil War; after drinking several cups of coffee he appeared on the front of the line, exposing himself with great recklessness, shouting and waving his hat as if in a delirium, giving orders and swearing in the most extraordinary manner. He was supposed to be intoxicated. Afterward it was found that he had used nothing but coffee. 

Lost

He prayed he would see her there

But he knows how selfish his prayer was

When he arrives, he couldn't believe she is there
He lost his breath and his heart pounded

He didn’t know what to do

So he walked past her

But she didn’t see him

She didn’t notice him

The long drive home

I find my head resting on the wheel

Appreciating the quietness from within

Measuring the heaviness of my heart

In the dark, isolated from the world

Which is but a handle away

You're not suppose to know

My heart aches for you but you do not know

My heart leaps every time my gaze is upon you

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

The days are quickly fading

I only have weeks left

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

Why is life so unfair

Why weren’t you born sooner

Why did you steal my heart so recklessly

Why do you have to leave

You were the dream I was looking for

Your perfect laugh, your perfect smile

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

The more I know you

The more my heart beats for you

But I’m not allowed to show it

You’re not suppose to know

Why is life so unfair

Why weren’t you born sooner

Why did you steal my heart so recklessly

Why do you have to leave

Girl don’t do this to me

Please don’t leave me

Heart, stop tormenting me

Stop abusing me

I can only take so much

Before I die

Why is life so unfair

Why weren’t you born sooner

Why did you steal my heart so recklessly

Why do you have to leave

My friend Grace

"I have a friend named Grace. That's all I know about Grace. So what is grace actually, that Christians keep talking about? What is grace?" I asked. The good pastor nods his head slowly, looks down on the table, chooses his words carefully, and says "Undeserving Love"

Hypocrites

Why don’t people mean what they say? I’ve heard many statements, promises and proclamation over the years, mainly from fellow Christians. Through thick and thin so they say. When the going gets tough, or the situation isn’t as desirable, they act as if those words were never spoken in the first place.

It makes me angry at first, then sadness. Does that constitute broken promises? Is it even a promise to begin with? Can I hold to account what a person said even if they didn’t say ‘I promise that….’ ? Maybe there’s an expiry date to what we say. Whenever someone promises something, don’t expect it to be true after... say… 1 year? People change. Priorities change. Past commitments will just have to make way.

There are hypocrites and there are those who genuinely struggle to keep to their words. Some succeed, some fail. Some stop talking. Disappointment is an ugly thing. It kills trust. It kills fellowships. It kills friendships. It kills intimacy. Doesn’t matter if another draws the sword or you on yourself. The fruit is all the same. When I look into the mirror, I found the biggest hypocrite in my life.

‘You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye’ Matthew 7:5 (NIV)

being an Idiot

You would've known what happened to my left ankle from my previous post titled 'October'. Over the months, I've sprained my left ankle again and again, though the recovery has been fairly quick. Its not perfect, but good enough to run with. With all the care and attention showered over my left ankle, I must apologize for neglecting my right.

After a satisfying climb at Sabah Indoor Climbing Centre (SICC) today, I decided to be an idiot and run in the dark at the neighboring lake. Your eyes could adjust to the 10:05pm darkness well enough to see where you're going, but not what you're stepping on, I found out. Crack! and down I went with a glorious F***!!! out of my tongue. Its interesting what my grey matter decides to offer in situations like this.

And so it was. An idiot on the ground with his loose tongue in the dark.

10 Amazing Brain Facts You Should Know

1. The human brain has about 100,000,000,000 or 100 billion neurons. From the age of 35 years, about 7,000 neurons are lost daily.

2. During early pregnancy, the neurons in the foetus can multiply at a rate of 250,000 neurons per minute.

3. The brain is composed of 75% to 80% water. Dehydration can affect proper functioning of brain.

4. The brain consists of 60% white matter and 40% grey matter. White is the supporting matter and grey is the thinking matter of the brain. If the brain is a computer, the grey matter would be the computer itself and the white matter is its cables.

5. Adult brain weighs about 3 pounds or 1,300g to 1,400g. This is about 2% of the body weight if you weigh 150 pounds or 70kg. Sperm whale’s brain weights 7,800g.

6. Although the brain only accounts for 2 percent of our body weight, it consumes 20% oxygen that we breathe and roughly 20 percent of our daily calories

7. 15% to 20% of all blood pumped out of the heart goes directly to the brain

8. All the thinking in the brain is about electricity and chemicals. The brain is more active and thinks more at night than during the day.

9. The brain itself is incapable of feeling pain. Once the skill is opened it is possible to operate on the brain with the patient awake.

10. You can’t feel your own tickle either. The brain is smart enough to neutralize the sensation. The cerebellum sends a signal to the rest of the brain of your intentions and as a result the sensation is ignored.

Emotions

I hate this I hate this I hate this!!!

Farewell Ah Ming @ Mimi

Your favorite chair is vacant now...
No eager purrs to greet me.
No softly padded paws to run
Ecstatically to meet me.
No coaxing rubs, no plaintive cry
Will say it's time for feeding.
I've put away your bowl, and all
The things you won't be needing;
But I will miss you little friend,
For I could never measure
The happiness you brought me,
The comfort and the pleasure.
And since God put you here to share
In earthly joy and sorrow;
I'm sure there'll be a place for you
In Heaven's bright tomorrow...

by Alice E. Chase

You are sorely missed.

Caffeine

Caffeine – It’s the most widely used mind-altering drug in the world. It works like narcotics like cocaine, amphetamines and heroin to stimulate your brain; increase your heartbeat, breathing and metabolic rate and creates addiction – and yet is perfectly legal.

It has no nutritional value and is not needed for any healthy bodily function, yet it’s practically a staple in our diet and is commonly abused by the tired and the stressed.

If affects every organ system in our body, from the nervous system to the skin. According to more than 40 scientific studies, it causes a long list of health problems – including irregular heartbeat, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cardiovascular disease, stroke, ulcers, osteoporosis, mental confusion, kidney disease, some cancers, even miscarriages and birth defects.

CAFFEINE – the silent health demon in our lives. How well you live, and even how long you live, might depend on whether you consume or avoid this powerful drug.

Makes you wonder