October

Ahhhh.... October.... October.... why do you treat me so? You've been harsh on me, oh so very harsh.

“Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage” - Wikipedia.

It all started with the first incident when I landed my left foot on someone else' foot. The landing didn't go too well of course. A loud 'crack' followed by the all too familiar pain. The only pain to match it is the realization that I'll be disappointing my team for the upcoming match, our most important match for 2010, due in 3 days. Yes, all that shot through my mind before I even hit the floor.

I guess people would've thought that I'm waiting for the pain to subside enough, so I could remove myself from the court. Truth is, I'm just trying to come to terms with my carelessness that's causing me disappointment beyond my torn ligament can imagine. Guess the imagining part is my brain's department.

The pain got so bad the next day, I had to see the Orthopedic Specialist to make sure my bones are okay. 'Severely torn ligament' so the good doctor says. He gave me a 'half cast' for a week due to my swelling, and I'm suppose to come back and change it into a 'full cast' for another month. Not to mention the amount of painkillers and antibiotics. Those who knew me best wouldn't be surprised that I took off my 'half cast' after 2 days. I hate restrictions. Trust me, limping around in crutches is major restriction. Total bill, RM600+++

Come the match, we lost. Guess you could say I've not gotten over it.

Two days later, my Senior Pastor asked me to see him. Of course I'm not ready to disclose what happened there.

Two days later, I felt uneasiness, then pain on my anal canal. The next day, it became so bad, I couldn't stand, I couldn't sit. I guess I knew what it was, but I had to see the doctor anyway. You see, about a year ago, I got Hemorrhoid for the first time. (Prior to that, I've been observing blood in my stool for years.) It was... an experience. A male doctor had to push it back in, and of course there's no better way to express it except by screaming. I thought I was on the table for 20 minutes. It turns out to be an hour and everyone outside heard me scream for an hour. I'm smiling right now. =)

With that in mind, I'm sincerely hoping not to go through that experience again. Doctor confirmed it, its Hemorrhoid, but its not that bad. Cause for Hemorroid? Unknown. People mostly blame it on stress. Did a quick manual adjustment and off I go. No screaming this time, but unfortunately the pain lingers on. Still I couldn't stand, I couldn't sit. I can't even begin to describe the agony of passing motion. By the next day, I was bleeding my underwear red. I had to change 3 times a day, for about 4 days before the bleeding subsided. This brings a new understanding on how girls feel when their 'monthly' issue comes unexpectedly. Got about 4 packet of pills and medicines to bring back and a bill of about RM200++.

When my bleeding subsided, I developed a 'pimple' underneath my right eye lid. Is this a joke? I mean, what on earth is happening!
So I've spent almost RM1k on medical bills, I've endured physical pain, I've suffered emotional pain and I'm broken spiritually. Some say, Once you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. I say, I've survived October.

Wish I could say November is all the way up, but on the 4th of November, exactly 3 weeks after my ankle incident, I got into my worst car accident. Got hit by a Toyota Estima from the back, lost control of my Proton Satria and crashed into a Toyota Hilux and a Suzuki Swift. Some say, if the Hilux wasn't there, I could be climbing out instead of walking out. All is good, so I thought, until I suffer the whiplash agony the next day. Sleeping is no longer a joy. Waking up in paralyzing neck pain is definately not the way to start the day. Whiplash injury medical bill, RM45.00

What can I do but laugh? Even a friend said I'm like Job. Atleast he's blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. I dare not be compared to one such as Job. I say, Once you've hit rock bottom, watch out for bigger rocks on top of you.

I've experienced love and support thorough out my suffering.
I've received prayers and help when I least expected it.
I'm reminded of a love far greater than what I can imagine.